Modnar shit and other crap

Poetry corner!


Would be

If not for you, the sky of blue would be so dark and grey,
But since you’re here, the sky is clear hence, ‘tis a beautiful day.

If not for you, the green of new would ne’er grow towards the sky,
But since you’re here, there’s not to fear for now green all grows high.

If not for you, the morning dew would ne’er gleam in the sun,
But since you’re here, the dew is clear and gleams for everyone.

If not for you, words of true would be so false and bare,
But since you’re here, there’s not to fear, true truths are all but rare.

If not for you, it would be cruel to think that I have loved,
But since you’re here, the world’s more clear, you made me soar above.

You know your life is sad and pathetic when...

You hear the music of LOTR when you're reading LOTR.

Joke:


Breaking Up...College Course Style...

Psychology: Girl accuses guy of just using her as a substitute for his Mother.

Sociology: Each claims to have been oppressed in the relationship.

Religion: Each prays for reconcilliation and/or curses God

Archaeology: One tries to bury the past, and accuses the other of trying to dig it up.

Theatre: "OH MY GOD! Life is... ENDED... as we KNOW it!"

Biology: "You just wanted to get in my genes!"

Physics: Both resign themselves to the fact that what goes up must come down.

Journalism: "Today was the end of an era. Jack, 19, and Jill, 18, called an end to their relationship of 2 weeks..."

Women's Studies: "HE did it!"

Business: Both decide that they're spending way too much money together, and that it's simply cheaper to be single.

Italian: "Mama Mia!"

History: Each party argues the breakup was caused by something the other party did in the past.

Geography: Both people decide to simply move far away to avoid each other.

Anatomy: "I never liked your body anyway."

Economics: One party demands more than the other can supply.

English: Each writes the other a perfect breakup letter, complete with introduction, thesis, body, and conclusion, that doesn't really say anything substantively intelligible.

Education: Both concede that the relationship was a learning experience.

Computing: "Man, this bytes -- we just couldn't interface" and/or "His hard drive was more like a floppy."

E. Engineer: "It's just so shocking... I'm sure there are positives and negatives, but..." [okay, yes, I know you're groaning ;-)]

Architecture: "There just wasn't much to build on anyway..."

Jewish Studies: "OY! You should feel so guilty!"

Philosophy: If 2 people break up in a dorm and there's no one to witness the breakup, are they really single?

Zoology: They were able to mate like banshees, but lacked sophisticated communication skills.

Phys. Ed.: They punch each other out in frustration.

Chemistry: They turn to hard drugs to relieve the pain.

Counseling: Each urges the other to "get help!"

Music: Each utilizes an operatic lament (or, in Tennessee, a country song) to express his or her sorrow.

Law: They sue each other for breach of a pre-dating agreement.

Joke:


The new priest was so nervous at his first mass, that he could hardly speak.

Before his second appearance in the pulpit, he asked the monsignor how he could relax. The Monsignor said "next Sunday it may help you if you put some vodka in the water picture and after a few sips everything will go smoothly."

The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into action and was able to talk up a storm! He felt great! However, upon returning to the rectory he found a note from the Monsignor:

1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
5. The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-a-Dub -Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God!"
6. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
7. Do not refer to our Savior Jesus and the Apostles, as "J.C. and the boys."
8. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are NEVER referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior and the spook."
9. It is always the "Virgin Mary" never "Mary with a Cherry."
10. Last, but not least, next week there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffies.
11. We don't refer to Judas as "El Finko."
12. Moses parted the water at the Red Sea, he didn't pass water.
13. The Pope is consecrated not castrated and we don't call him "Godfather."
14. When Jesus broke bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this. Eat it, for it is my body." He didn't say, "Eat me."
15. David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, he wasn't "stoned off his ass."

Fun websites:


www.despair.com
northernsun.com
stickdeath.com
womencentral.net/lessons.html

Joke:

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember psalm 129?"
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, do you remember psalm 129?"
Once again the priest apologized."Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."
Arriving at the convent, the nun got out, gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you might miss a great opportunity!

Joke:

Real meaning of a college degree:

Computer Science: College.....Spend most of your time in a dimly lit lab, playing XTrek and drinking Jolt. Interact only with other CS majors, and only via the 'net if you can manage it. Become passionately involved only in the continuing IBM/Commodore/Macintosh debate.

Real Life......Spend most of your time in a dimly lit office, playing Flight Simulator and drinking gourmet coffee...at least five cups an hour. Interact only with your own project team, and then only via e-mail. Become passionately involved in the continuing debate over who pays when the schedule slips, which wasn't your fault because you told them to take DOOM-playing into account from the beginning.

Psychology: College.....Spend most of your time in a dimly-lit lab, playing with rats and other vermin. Drink Jolt by the six-pack to stay up all night with the rodents. Interact only with other Psychos, but only to analyze their behavior in non-lab situations. Become involved in the continuing debate over whether a trained rat could succeed as a comp sci major.

Real Life.....Spend most of your time in an unemployment line and living in a cardboard box with other vermin, wishing you'd changed to CS instead of the rat. Continue to consider yourself superior to social work majors.

Economics: College.....Spend most of your time in a brightly-lit room full of charts and graphs. Learn about supply and demand, GNP, supply and demand, prime rates, supply and demand, inflation, and supply and demand.

Real Life.....Spend most of your time in a brightly-lit government office with people who look just like you. Issue reports you wrote in college because you're too lazy to write a new one. Watch newscaster explain your report to unsuspecting viewers. Listen to President explain that the economy sucks because of unemployed psychologists.

Philosophy: College.....Read books by dead guys. Debate whether a tree falling alone in a forest will say, "Oh, fuck! Not again!" Consider the ethical problems in the killing of annoying street mimes. Get failed by prof for not liking correct dead guy.

Real Life.....Spend most of your time in a dimly lit office, playing Flight Simulator and drinking gourmet coffee...at least five cups an hour. Interact only with your own project team, and then only via e-mail. Become passionately involved in the continuing debate over who pays when the schedule slips, which wasn't your fault because you told them to take DOOM-playing into account from the beginning. Be thankful you switched to comp sci, which pays better than being a dead philosopher.

Math: College.....Spend your time in a cramped office, thinking about polydimensional shapes and arguing their properties with other mathematicians. Scream when they steal your work. Steal their work Be a social outcast.

Real Life.....See above. You work for the university.

Poetry Corner!


Innocence

I close my eyes...
Fiery grey blue eyes pierce through me.
I cower, but do not look away.
A misty deep surges through my veins
drawing my breath away.
My lungs beg for air but I dare not break the electric silence.
Your grey blues soften and air rushes past my lips.
I delicately walk over, to heal as to not make a noise.

I take a chance...
My fingers mingle in your smooth brown hair
and tremble as I gently graze the edge of your ear.
The skin is so soft it's as if rough oceans alone shaped it.
My lower lip trembles.
I whimper.
Droplets form at the bottom of my lids threatening to fall.

Do I dare...
My lips ease towards your moistened mouth.
Your nectar breath lingers in the air and I cannot help but take it in.
My eyes flicker but I cannot take the chance
of you fading away.
Our lips melt together as one.
My tongue inquisitively explores just how tender your lips are.
Precariously my tongue slips past your lips.
The heat of your mouth envelops me
and I am lost within your touch.
I falter and close my eyes.
Nothing.

I open my eyes...
There is Nothing.

This is why I dare not sleep.

Joke:

Why did the blonde jump out of the building?
She wanted to see if her maxi pad really had wings.

Needless to say, she died.

You know your life is sad and pathetic when...

You are grumpy because you haven't gotten your LOTR fix

Poetry Corner!

We love you cobbers
Oh yes we do
We love you cobbers
It's true
When you're not with us
We're blue
Oh cobbers we love you!

Fun Quotes from my Fun Friends:

"I want string cheese dangit"

"drying my wet head..... of hair you sicko....."

"Those guys scare me…the ones that are big and have no faces"

"Actually, no, I don’t like guys"

In response to the question, 'what happened to mary and joe': I think they died.

"I have finger condoms!"

"He makes a great girlfriend!"

fun trumpets:
"Water sucks, it really, really sucks." "Gaterade." "H2O!"

You know your life is sad and pathetic when...

you are proud of your sad and pathetic life

Joke:

Cinderella was going to the ball. She wanted to stay out later then 12, but her fairy godmother didn't want her to. She told Cinderella that if she stayed out later than 2, a pumpkin would start growing in her womb. Cinderella said ok and left.

At 6, Cinderella comes strolling in. Her fairy godmother gasped! "You should be all bloated from the pumpkin!" she said. Cinderella said, "Well, I met this guy at the party. His name was Peter...Peter something...."

Poetry Corner!


Valediction: Forbidding Mourning

As virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls, to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"The breath goes now," and some say, "No:"

So let us melt, and make no noise,
No tear-floods, nor sigh tempests move;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears;
Men reckon what it did, and meant;
But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dill sublunary lovers' love
(Whose soul is sense) cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
Those things which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refin'd,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assured of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips, and hands to miss.

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to airy thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so
As stiff twin compasses are two;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if the' other do.

And though it in the center sit,
Yet when the other far doth roam,
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me who must
Like th' other foot, obliquely run;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,
And makes me end, where I begun.

You know your life is sad and pathetic when...

you jump up excitedly out of your chair when you remember there is water in the fridge

You know your life is sad and pathetic when...

you hate every movie because you compare it to the Lord of the Rings

Poetry Corner!

one

a pleasant life, a better death.
to mourn a loss that’s never left
is wicked now more than I thought
for things ne’er turn out as its wrought
don’t sadden now, or better, ever
for it goes on after forever
so when the time for you comes too
we will meet then and start a new
the flowers weep at lover’s lost
a timeless nuisance, but our paths crossed
for long a time to wait will end
we will return as one again.

Neat:

Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.


Candidate A -
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B -
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife. Which of these candidates would be your choice?







*****************************************************
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

**********************************************************************
Can you imagine working for a company that has a
little more than 500 employees and has the following
statistics:

* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least
* 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last
year

Can you guess which organization this is?



It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.
The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of
new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in
line.

Useless Junk:

The youngest pope was 11 years old.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a
letter is uncopyrightable.

First novel ever written on a typewriter is Tom Sawyer.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from and old English law
which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything
wider than your thumb.

The average chocolate bar has 8 insects legs in it.

The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime at night.

A rhinoceros horn is made of compacted hair.

Elvis had a twin brother named Garon, who died at birth, which
is why Elvis middle name was spelled Aron; in honor of his brother.

Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn't wear
pants.

Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

Marilyn Monroe had six toes on one foot.

If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn
white.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

The sentence "the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses
every letter in the English language.

Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

A snail can sleep for three years.

Butterflies taste with their feet.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds, but dogs only have about ten.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

All polar bears are left handed.

On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

You are more likely to be killed by a Champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.

Fun Quotes from my Fun Friends:

"On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the "creepy fore arms guy" creepy, he ranks a 7."

Dickey to the boners, "That was a nice effort."

The fun trumpets at the game today:
-Gimme a D!
--D!
-Gimme an I!
--I!
-Gimme a C!
--C!
-Gimme a K!
--K!
-Gimme an E!
--E!
Gimme a Y!
--Y!
-What's that spell?!
--DICKEY!!!

dad: do you need to be home at anytime?
me: uh...what?
dad: do you have a curfew?
me: uh...this is college. *laughs*...*laughs a lot*

"You know what? It doesn't matter. You've had sex!"

"I'm really glad you didn't drown in placenta "

"He doesn't smoke as much as a chimney!"

"I'm girly...in the vagina aspect."

"Don't discriminate against me because I don't have a vagina!"

"I am...how do you say...ah yes...the good."

"You almost dropped your broccoli!"

the best news/info sites:

comedycentral

Crimelibrary

the onion

fark

Fun sites!!!

how to get to Mordor

I do not like that Samwise-Sam

LOTR

Awesome peeps!!!

PUPPET THEATRE!!!
achie, it's got pirates of the caribeans in there!


and here are some game sites:

http://addictinggames.com/

http://freearcade.com/

http://candystand.com/

http://ferryhalim.com/orisinal/

Below is a list of children's books you'll never see in any bookstore!

"You Were an Accident"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

"Dad's New Wife Timothy"

"Pop! Goes the Hamster....and Other Great Microwave Games"

"Testing Homemade Parachutes Using Only Your Household Pets"

"The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad"

"Babar Meets the Taxidermist"

"Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence"

"The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables"

"Start a Real-Estate Empire with the Change from Your Mom's Purse"

"The Pop-up Book of Human Anatomy"

"Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will"

"The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead"

"How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School"

"Controlling the Playground: Respect through Fear"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer, They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Bi-Curious George"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

that's because i have nothing to say, stuid!